Parenting
One of the reasons that the Islamic family works is
because of its clearly defined structure, where each member of the household
knows his or her role. The Prophet Muhammad, may the mercy and blessings of
God be upon him, said:
“Each of you is a shepherd, and all of you are
responsible for your flocks.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)
The father is the shepherd over his family, protecting
them, providing for them, and striving to be their role model and guide in his
capacity as head of the household. The mother is the shepherd over the house,
guarding it and engendering in it the wholesome, loving environment that is
necessary for a happy and healthy family life. She is also the one who is
primarily responsible for the children’s guidance and education. Were it not
for the fact that one of the parents assumed the leadership role, then
inevitably there would be perpetual disputation and fighting, leading to family
breakdown – just as there would be in any organization which lacked any single
hierarchical authority.
“God puts forth a similitude:
a (servant) man belonging to many partners, disputing with one another, and a
man belonging entirely to one master. Are those two equal in comparison? All
the praises and thanks be to God! But most of them know not.” (Quran 39:29)
It is only logical that the one who is naturally the
physically and emotionally stronger of the two parents is made head of the
household: the male.
“…And they (women) have
rights (over their husbands) similar (to the rights of their husbands) over
them - according to what is equitable. But men have a degree (of
responsibility, etc.) over them…” (Quran 2:228)
As for the children, the fruits of their parents love,
Islam lays down comprehensive morals enjoining parental responsibility and the
child’s reciprocal dutifulness to its parents.
“And treat your parents with kindness. If one or both of them
attain old age in your care, never say to them a word (suggesting) disgust, nor
reproach them, but address them with reverent speech. And humble yourself out
of mercy before them, and pray: ‘My Lord! Be merciful to them for having
cared for me in my childhood.’” (Quran 17:23-4)
Obviously, if the parents fail to inculcate the fear of
God within their children from an early age because they are themselves
heedless, then they cannot expect to see righteous gratitude returned to them. Hence,
God’s severe warning in His Book:
“O you who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your
families a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones.” (Quran 66:6)
If the parents do indeed strive to raise
their children upon righteousness, then, as the Prophet said:
“When the
son of Adam dies, all his actions have ceased except [three, a continuing
charity, beneficial knowledge and] a righteous child who prays for their parent.”
(Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)
Regardless of how the parents raise their children, and
irrespective of their own religion (or lack, thereof), the obedience and
reverence that a Muslim son or daughter is required to show them is second only
to the obedience due to the Creator Himself. Thus His reminder:
“And (remember) when We took
a covenant from the Children of Israel, (saying): ‘Worship none but God
and be dutiful and good to parents, and to kindred,
and to orphans and to the poor, and speak good to people, and perform
the
prayer, and give the alms.’” (Quran 2:83)
In fact, it is quite common to hear of elderly
non-Muslims converting to Islam as a result of the increased care and
dutifulness their children gave them following their (i.e. the children’s)
becoming Muslims.
“Say (O Muhammad): ‘Come, I will recite what your Lord has
prohibited you from: Join not anything in worship with Him; be good and dutiful
to your parents; kill not your children because of poverty - We provide
sustenance for you and for them…’” (Quran 6:151)
While the child is obliged to show obedience to both
parents, Islam singles out the mother as being the one deserving the lion’s
share of loving gratitude and kindness. When the Prophet
Muhammad was asked, “O Messenger of God! Who from amongst mankind warrants the
best companionship from me?” he replied: “Your mother.” The man asked:
“Then who?” The Prophet said: “Your mother.” The man asked: “Then who?”
The Prophet repeated: “Your mother.” Again, the man asked: ‘Then who?’
The Prophet finally said: “(Then) your father.”
“And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents.
His mother bears him with hardship and she brings him forth with hardship, and
the bearing of him, and the weaning of him is thirty (30) months, till when he
attains full strength and reaches forty years, he says: ‘My Lord! Grant me the
power and ability that I may be grateful for Your Favor which You have bestowed
upon me and upon my parents, and that I may do righteous good deeds, such as
please You, and make my off-spring good. Truly, I have turned to You in
repentance, and truly, I am one of the Muslims (submitting to Your Will).’”
(Quran 46:15)
Conclusion
There exists in Islam a general principle
that states that what is good for one is good for another. Or, in the words of
the Prophet:
“None of you truly believes until he loves for his
(believing) brother what he loves for himself.” (Saheeh Al-Bukhari, Saheeh Muslim)
As could be expected, this principle finds its greatest
expression in a Muslim family, the nucleus of the Islamic society. Nevertheless,
the dutifulness of the child to its parents is, in truth, extended to all the
elders of the community. The mercy and concern that the parents have for their
children is likewise extended to all the young ones. Actually, it is not as if
the Muslim has a choice in such matters. After all, the Prophet did say:
“He who does not show compassion to our young, nor
honor our elders, is not from us.” (Abu Dawood, Al-Tirmidhi)
Is it any wonder, then, that so many people, raised as
non-Muslims, find what they are looking for, what they have always believed to
have been good and true, in the religion of Islam? A religion where they are
immediately and warmly welcomed as members of one loving family.
“Righteousness is not that you turn your faces to the east and
the west. But righteous is the one who believes in God, the Last Day, the
Angels, the Scripture and the Prophets; who gives his wealth, in spite of love
for it, to kinsfolk, orphans, the poor, the wayfarer, to those who ask, and to
set slaves free. And (righteous are) those who pray, pay alms, honor their
agreements, and are patient in (times of) poverty, ailment and during conflict.
Such are the people of truth. And they are the God-Fearing.” (Quran 2:177)
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